VANCOUVER - A top White House drug policy official is threatening retaliation from the U.S. if Canada relaxes its laws against marijuana possession.

Bite me. The U.S.'s drug policies manage to combine brutality, needless cruelty, and ineffectiveness to a point that boggles the mind, yet successive generations of American politicians have not had the courage to make it stop. Half a second's actual, rational, thought would reveal that giving potheads criminal records does absolutely nothing to prevent or mitigate the social ills caused by serious drug addiction. And buddy, when your lot gets around to actually punishing the amphetamine freak who dropped the bomb on those Canadian soldiers, then you can talk to us about drug policy. Until then, take your criticism and shove it up your ass.

David Murray, right-hand man to U.S. "drug czar" John Walters, says he doesn't want to tread on another country's sovereignty, but warned there would be consequences if Canada proceeds with a plan to decriminalize the possession of marijuana.

Fuck you David Murray (and John Walters too, for that matter). Doesn't want to tread on another country's sovereignty? Doesn't want to tread on another country's sovereignty? Treading, or rather trampling, on other countries' sovereignty while claiming to be the defenders of freedom is what the United States of America is all about under its current administration.

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"You can't wall this off saying, 'We're only talking about a little cannabis.' Our experience is they come together like the Four Horsemen," he said.

Don't lie. Your experience, like the experience of every other country in the world, is that casual marijuana use has absolutely no effect whatsoever on the social fabric except to make it ever-so-slightly mellower and to give it a mild craving for munchies. And yes, we're only talking about a little cannabis here, so you can settle down.

Murray said Canada's reputation in the global community would be forever altered if it decided to decriminalize pot.

"It's not just Canada's relationship with the United States that would change; it's Canada's relationship with the world," he said.

Yes, our relationship with the world would change. We would join the infamous Axis of Countries That Have Actually Figured It Out. Won't this world be a better place when an American president has the courage to bring the U.S.A. into that group?

Actually, I'm not really that angry with the U.S. over this. They didn't actually elect the useless fuck currently occupying the White House, and there are too many good Americans working very hard to improve the world for me to actually sustain any kind of serious rage at their country. I am, however, pre-emptively very angry with the Canadian pundits and politicians (Stephen Harper, I'm looking in your general direction) who are going to weigh in with how we now shouldn't decriminalize pot, not because of any evidence that it's a bad idea, but out of craven terror that we might somehow offend George W. Fucking Bush.