Holy Shit! Do I ever have to inject some life into this puppy. Either that, or hit it over the head with a shovel and bury it in the backyard. Well, I guess I'll do the injecting with life thing. Or try to. So what have I been up to for the past month just about? Well...

1. Being a witness at my brother's wedding. It went really well - no fights or anything like that. The wedding itself was a small ceremony, actually performed during the Sunday mass at my mother's church. She celebrated, and my Dad came out from Ontario for it, so all was well and good. There were various parties and festivities surrounding the event. It was a bit odd to see the church on Sunday with a large number of the shaved-tattooed-pierced brigade in attendance in addition to the regular congragation. Anyway, that was thing one.

2. I sort of patched things back together with my soccer head coach, so I will be behind the bench for the coming season. I'll give him credit - he is at least trying to do the right thing. However, I'm not really looking forward to this season. I don't know if it's because of what happened this summer, or because I'm already swamped, time-wise, or what. We'll see how it shapes up when we actually get on the pitch, but I'm feeling like this may be the swan-song for me in terms of coaching, at least for a while. My Friend From Prince George has an injured knee this season, so there's a chance that she'll be assuming some of the coaching duties, which will be great.

3. I survived another rush week at the Bookstore. No more need be said about that...

More to follow!!

Too much whining, not enough driving
TSN.ca Staff
9/8/2003

So what’s with all the childish behavior by race car drivers recently?

We’ll set aside the profoundly stupid act of Jimmy Spencer popping Kurt Busch following a recent NASCAR event at Michigan…Mongo admitted he was way out of line, but the provocation by Busch, taunting him with words, the gesture at a previous event to kiss his behind is the type of thing I’m talking about…it’s totally uncalled for.

A good column by Mr. Lewis, whom I've been rather hard on. Credit where credit is due, etc.

The UEFA cup qualifying round ended yesterday, and yours truly went 35-6 in terms of his picks. Note that I gave myself credit for picking the three Danish representatives to go through, despite the fact that they were different Danish teams than I thought they were. The draw for the first round proper is here, with my picks in bold:

AIK Solna (Swe) v Valencia CF (Esp)
Dinamo Buchurest (ROM) v Shakhtar Donetsk (Ukr)
Maccabi Haifa (Isr) v Publikum (Slo)
Torpedo Moscow (Rus) v CSKA Sofia (Bul)
Dundee (Sco) v Perugia (Ita)
Cementarnica (Mkd) v RC Lens (Fra)
Newcastle United (Eng) v NAC Breda (Hol)
Benfica (Por) v La Louviere (Bel)
Panionios (Gre) v FC Nordsjaelland (Den)
Heart of Midlothian (Sco) v NK Zeljeznicar (Bhz)
Udinese (Ita) v Austria Saltzberg (Aut)
Genclerbirligi (Tur) v Blackburn Rovers (Eng)
SKM Puchov (Svk) v Barcelona (Esp)
NK Dinamo Zagreb (Cro) v MTK Hungaria (Hun)
Hapoel Ramat-Gan (Isr) v Levski Sofia (BUL)
FC Kaiserslautern (Ger) v FK Teplice (Cze)
FK Sartid (SCG) v Slavia Prague (Cze)
Villarreal (Esp) v Trabzonspor (Tur)
Grasshopper-Zurich (Swi) v Hajduk Split (Cro)
Hertha Berlin (Ger) v Groclin Grodzisk (Pol)
Liverpool (Eng) v NK Olimpija Ljubljana (Slo)
Valerenga IF (Nor) v Grazer AK (Aut)
CSF Zimbru Chisinau (Mol) v Aris Thessaloniki (Gre)
FC Copenhagen (Den) v Ferncevaros (Hun)
NK Varteks (Cro) v Debrecen (Hun)
SV Hamburg (Ger) v Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk (Ukr)
Bordeaux (Fra) v FC Artmedia Petrzalka (Svk)
AS Roma (Ita) v FK Vardar (Mkd)
Manchester City (Eng) v KSC Lokeren (Bel)
Spartak Moscow (Rus) v Esbjerg (Den)
Wisla Krakow (Pol) v NEC Nijmegen (Hol)
UD Leiria (Por) v Molde FK (Nor)
FK Austria Vienna (Aut) v Borussia Dortmund (Ger)
Auxerre (Fra) v Neuchatel Xamax FC (Swi)
FK Ventspils (Lat) v Rosenborg (Nor)
Gaziantepspor (Tur) v Hapoel Tel-Aviv (Isr)
Odense (Den) v Red Star Belgrade (Scg)
Sporting Lisbon (Por) v Malmo FF (Swe)
FC Utrecht (Hol) v MSK Zilina (Svk)
FC Metalurh Donetsk (Ukr) v Parma (Ita)
MyPa 47 (Fin) v Sochaux (Fra)
Schalke 04 (Ger) v NK Kamen Ingrad (Cro)
Real Mallorca (Esp) v APOEL Nicosia (Cyp)
Southampton (Eng) v Steaua Buchurest (ROM)
Feyenoord (Hol) v FC Karnten (Aut)
FC PAOK (Gre) v SFK Lyn (Nor)
Malatyaspor (Tur) v FC Basle (Swi)
Brondby (Den) v FK Viktoria Zizkov (Cze)

Ok, an amazing 13-3 for the last qualifying round of the Champions' Cup, for an overall record of 31-9. Here we go with the group stages!


Group A
Celtic (Sco)
Olympique Lyon (Fra)
Anderlecht (Bel)
Bayern Munich (Ger)

Yeah, I'm picking with my heart going with Celtic here, although their strong showing in the UEFA Cup last year could stand them in good stead. If Celtic falter, it'll be Olympique Lyon joining Bayern in the next round.

Group B
Dynamo Kiev (Ukr)
Lokomotiv Moscow (Rus)
Arsenal (Eng)
Inter Milan (Ita)

Fairly straightforward. I think the days of Dynamo Kiev causing upsets are pretty much over for now, and Lokomotiv Moscow are lucky to have reached the group stage. Plus, Arsenal and Inter are both appallingly strong teams.

Group C
PSV Eindhoven (Hol)
AEK Athens (Gre)
Monaco (Fra)
Deportivo Coruna (Spa)

This group's a mess. There's no real favourite, except maybe Deportivo, and definitely no underdog. This will be fun to watch.

Group D
Galatasaray (Tur)
Olympiakos (Gre)
Real Sociedad (Spa)
Juventus (Ita)

I don't think Turkish teams get the respect they deserve. Gala won 3-0 in the last round home and away, and I think they will get in ahead of Sociedad. However, if I'm wrong, look for there to be two Reals in the next round.

Group E
Panathinaikos (Gre)
Rangers (Sco)
VfB Stuttgart (Ger)
Manchester United (Eng)

After Man. U., this is a tough one. Stuttgart have had a relatively bright start to the Bundesliga season, but Scottish soccer doesn't suck anymore. Rangers then, to take second narrowly, with Stuttgart poised if they stumble.

Group F
FC Porto (Por)
Olympique Marseille (Fra)
Partizan Belgrade (Serb)
Real Madrid (Spa)

It's nice to see a Serbian side doing well in Europe again, but I don't think Partizan have the legs to get through this group. Porto have a decent chance of going through, but I've actually watched Marseille a bit this season, and been fairly impressed. Odd to think that not that long ago, they were Champions' Cup finalists, and equally odd to think that they lost that match to another Belgrade team.

Group G
Chelsea (Eng)
Sparta Prague (Cze)
Besiktas (Tur)
Lazio (Ita)

Another fairly clearcut group, although Besiktas may get involved. However, Chelsea appear to have built a side with Europe in mind, and Lazio, despite their financial woes, are still pretty good.

Group H
Celta Viga (Spa)
Ajax Amsterdam (Hol)
Club Bruges (Bel)
AC Milan (Ita)

I so desperately wanted to pick Ajax to go through here, and I'll be delighted if they do. However, Celta have been under-rated in recent years, and I don't think the Dutch revival in Europe has quite reached the stage where Ajax progressing will be anything but an upset.

Grandmother's treehouse ordered torn down

Sylvan Lake - A Sylvan Lake grandmother has been told by town council to tear down her grandchildren's treehouse because she didn't have the necessary building permit.

I'll be very tentative about this, since we don't know the full story, and more to the point I haven't actually seen any pictures of the treehouse, but it sounds to me like Grandma's getting a raw deal here. One anonymous complaint about the structure - it would appear that there's a pissant in the neighbourhood. I mean, couldn't they have issued the building permit retroactively? We'll see how things turn out.

So I sat there for a half hour waiting for one of the receiving programs to start up, and the first thing it did was boot me out. Sigh - Ah well, we'll make lemonade here, and put something up on the ol' blog. Millwall suffered their first setback of the season, a 1-1 draw with Crewe, who've always been a bit of a bogey team for us. Still undefeated though!

So, coaching problems... Yes, I told my head coach that I intended to keep on doing the little goalkeeping tutorial I had been doing, he was unimpressed, and we are consequently not speaking to each other. It actually was a bit more heated than that - gestures were made, short words were used, and so on and so forth. Ugliness. Anyway, we'll see what happens.

Yes, I do still exist! Anyway, Millwall are now 2-0 on the new season, and have signed a Belgian international and a guy from Juventus. On the other hand, we've been dumped from the League Cup by, wait for it, Oxford United. At the Den, no less. Anyway, in other exciting news, well, there's a possibility that I'll be actually playing soccer again this winter, 'cause it really doesn't look like I'll be coaching it! This is related to the littel kerfuffle that I alluded some weeks ago, but I'll provide the entire gory story (whew, a rhyme) later on, if I feel up to it. Anyway, back to work.

Well, the boys are away - Millwall won their first match of the new season 2-0 over Wigan, our nemesis back in the 2nd division. Wise and Cahill got the goals in front of 11,000 at the Den. Sadly, Mr. Ray Harford, one of the main reasons for the recent Millwall semi-renaissance, passed away before the match after a long battle with cancer.

Ooo, an impressive 11-3 for the Second Qualifying Round of the Champions' League, making 18-6 for far overall. Anyway, here's the draw for the Third, and final, Qualifying Round, with my choices in bold type.

Vardar Skopje (Macedonia) v Sparta Prague (Czech Republic)

MTK Budapest (Hungary) v Celtic (Scotland)

Rangers (Scotland) v FC Copenhagen (Denmark)

Austria Vienna (Austria) v Olympique Marseille (France)

Club Bruges (Belgium) v Borussia Dortmund (Germany)

Shakhtar Donetsk (Ukraine) v Lokomotiv Moscow (Russia)

Lazio (Italy) v Benfica (Portugal)

Dynamo Kiev (Ukraine) v Dinamo Zagreb (Croatia)

Rosenborg Trondheim (Norway) v Deportivo La Coruna (Spain)

Grasshoppers (Switzerland) v AEK Athens (Greece)

Zilina (Slovakia) v Chelsea (England)

Celta Vigo (Spain) v Slavia Prague (Czech Republic)

Partizan Belgrade (Serb & Mont) v Newcastle United (England)

Galatasaray (Turkey) v CSKA Sofia (Bulgaria)

Anderlecht (Belgium) v Wisla Krakow (Poland)

Graz AK (Austria) v Ajax Amsterdam (Netherlands)

Well, there you have it. I can't see any of the big boys taking a real tumble at this stage, and although it will be excellent if lightening strikes twice for Vardar Skopje, I just can't see it happening. I think both the Old Firm teams will make it through, but they will have to watch themselves, both of them. Newcastle have a tough test against Partizan Belgrade, but I don't think they'll lose it in the end. The Shakhtar-Lokomotiv tie should be fun, and I'm predicting the woes of Russian football to continue. And, if I'm correct in my choice of winner in the Battle of the Teams Named Dynamo (or Dinamo), there could be two Ukrainian sides in the group stage. This whole thing starts up next week.

Lame Moments in Sports #8

Dundee fans shouldn't pick team - SPFA

Team selection should always be the job of the manager or head coach - not the club's supporters.

That is the view of the Scottish Professional Footballers Association following new Dundee director Giovanni di Stefano's revelation that he wants fans to pick the team.

He wants to see a 'Pop Idol'-style poll introduced so that supporters can select the starting 11 from a pool of 18 players chosen by manager Jim Duffy each month.

Worst... idea... ever.

Well, it's going to be a messy messy week in soccer, as the Champions' League transfer deadline looms on Thursday, followed by the English leagues' kickoff on Saturday. So, through this week I'll be putting up a lot about soccer, and not too much about other stuff (betcha the worldwide right is breathing a huge sigh of relief right now!).

To begin with though, a couple of the European leagues did get going this weekend, and I was able to catch the match between Olympique Marseille and En Avant Guingamp on one of the high-end cable channels. It was a fairly entertaining match, with several hair-raising saves by the the Guingamp 'keeper. At one point, he dove over a fairly well-struck volley, but got enough of the ball that it deflected off him straight down, hitting the turf with enough force to send it bouncing over the bar. Later, he made a good close-range save, but could only watch as a lurking Marseille striker somehow managed to put the rebound over from about 3 yards out. However, it was all for naught, and it was ironically a poor goal that won it for Marseille - a bad-angle shot that deflect off the near post and wandered across the line in injury time of the second half. Marseille, who are expected to be title contenders this year, probably just about deserved to win in the end.

Gosh, a full week since I last put anything up here. In the meantime I have had reinforced why I like to deal with little tiny self-distributing publishing companies as opposed to the monsters. For one thing, the little guys always talk to you like you're people, perhaps because they're not on the phone 24-7. For another, since they're small publishing companies, they actually have a stake in dealing with your complaints, and tend to do so promptly. I remember once phoning a little company in Calgary that publishes a couple of cookbooks. We'd ordered 10 of each, and received 20 of one of the titles. This was not a big deal, and as a matter of fact I was merely phoning to let them know that we'd keep the 20 but wanted to order 10 of the other book. Anyway, the lady I got on the phone (who was probably the publisher, author, and cook) was mortified that she had made that mistake. I had to reassure her a number of times that we weren't angry about it, and that we were still quite happy to carry her books. You don't get that when you phone up Megabooks inc., to deal with a fucked up order. Anyway, the incident with the cookbooks was several years ago, but the company that I dealt with this week, that prompted this little spiel, was the very lovely Gaspereau Books, of Kentville, Nova Scotia. Kudos to them.

9/11 could have been prevented: report
Last Updated Thu, 24 Jul 2003 16:11:54

WASHINGTON - The attacks against the United States on Sept. 11, 2001 could have been thwarted months or years in advance, according to a damning report by the U.S. Congress.

File under "No Shit, Sherlock." The only questions are a) whether there's enough evidence in this report to impeach the bastards, and if so b) whether the Democrats have the guts to go for it.

Well, I went 7 and 3 for the Champions' Cup First qualifying Round. Here's the second round, with my picks in bold as usual.

MTK Budapest (Hungary) v HJK Helsinki (Finland)

Pyunik (Armenia) v CSKA Sofia (Bulgaria)

Kaunas (Lithuania) v Celtic (Scotland)

Leotar (Bosnia) v Slavia Prague (Czech Republic)

Sheriff Tiraspol (Moldova) v Shakhtar Donetsk (Ukraine)

Zilina (Slovakia) v Maccabi Tel Aviv (Israel)

Bohemians (Ireland) v Rosenborg Trondheim (Norway)

Maribor (Slovenia) v Dinamo Zagreb (Croatia)

CSKA Moscow (Russia) v Vardar Skopje (Macedonia)

Rapid Bucharest (Romania) v Anderlecht (Belgium)

Partizan Belgrade (Serbia and Montenegro) v Djurgarden (Sweden)

Wisla Krakow (Poland) v Omonia Nicosia (Cyprus)

FC Copenhagen (Denmark) v Skonto Riga (Latvia)

SK Tirana (Albania) v Graz AK (Austria)

There are some interesting ties here. The toughest one may just be Rapid-Anderlecht, as both those teams can play. FC Copenhagen, Partizan, Graz, and Shakhtar, although I've picked them all to go through, really need to watch themselves or they're going to get a nasty shock. Although I've got Maccabi Tel Aviv favoured, I really have no idea who's going to win their tie with Zilina. And I'm still looking at HJK Helsinki as having the best chance of any of the first-rounders of advancing all the way to the group stage. These ties begin July 30th.

Dropkick Murphys to tour with Sex Pistols & Reverend Horton Heat!
Monday, July 14, 2003

Following the extremely successful release of their latest album “Blackout,” the Dropkick Murphys are taking to the road with some pretty damn good company! Beginning on August 29th, the band will be out on the road with The Sex Pistols and The Reverend Horton Heat! The Dropkicks will continue on this bill until September 9th when they will finally take some well-deserved time off.

This has the potential to be an amazing show in many ways, almost all of them positive. However, it is unlikely that Bazz will be able to find out one way or the other, since the only Canadian show is Toronto. Maybe if Bazz promises not to refer to himself in the third person for an entire year, they'll suddenly schedule an Edmonton gig?!? Nah, probably not. And so, Bazz will continue periodically to indulge in this unbelievably annoying form of NBA-superstar-esque behaviour. And there will be much weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth.

Tracy and Tobacco
7/17/2003

Paul Tracy won the Molson Indy Toronto for the second time on the weekend, and in his wire to wire victory you saw as dominating a performance as you’ll ever witness on any race track.

There is extra motivation in the entire Players camp as we push through the second half Champ Car World Series. Beginning in October, Federal regulations will force Players to drop out of Racing Sponsorship after forty two years of support with teams, events and the driver development program.

A couple of months ago I made a couple of comments about one of Todd Lewis's early racing columns for TSN (you can find said comments back in the archive somewhere). At the time, I was mortally unimpressed with Mr. Lewis, but still willing to cut him some slack. However, that slack is rapidly being used up, as he's once again gone and written a totally moronic column about CART racing. He starts off well enough, going on about Tracy's win at Toronto, and his comments, if obvious, at least reflect reality. Then, however...

This leads to the topic of the forced withdrawal of sponsorship by Players.

And now we're in deep deep waters. I haven't actually scribed any mighty words of wisdom in these pages about the demise of Players racing because I'm still of two minds about it myself. Mr. Lewis, however, bravely steps up to the plate, and actually does pretty well, although once again he's not saying anything new. And then, all of a sudden, it all goes to shit...

So why will you not be allowed to promote a particular brand of smokes, when that’s all you’ve been able to do for years, yet you can hand out condoms by the box load as a way of promoting your product?

What? What? Do you think it might be related to the fact that condoms save lives, while cigarettes tend to take them? Maybe just? Oi...

Cigarettes and sex are both sensitive subjects, especially for young people. Huffing and puffing through either can be hazardous to your health, not to mention life-altering. Yet there are not the same regulatory restrictions for condoms as there are cigarettes. Why not?

I realize that condoms can help prevent disease and illness, but to make use of the product you still have to indulge in the potentially hazardous act. Using a condom does not eliminate all risks involved, there will still be some that contract disease or begin a pregnancy. And there will always be a segment of the population that chooses to indulge, regardless of any amount of abstinence advertising.

And on that surreal note... Why the bizarre rant about condoms? I mean, the last few paragraphs of this column make NO sense at all. We go from a stupid, and god-I-hope rhetorical, question (asked twice) to some bizarre conflation of cigarettes and condoms, accompanied by a descent into grammar Hell (Yes, I know who's talking). Was Lewis drinking while he worked on this column? Anyway, strike two against TSN's racing columnist.

Another friendly win for Lions... Slightly tougher opposition this time, and 2-1 final. Cahill scored both Millwall goals.

Lame Moments in Sports #7

CBL suspending operations
WebPosted Fri Jul 18 00:38:36 2003

CBC SPORTS ONLINE - The fledgling Canadian Baseball League has struck out.

Citing financial hardship, the CBL confirmed Thursday it will suspend operations following the July 23 all-star game at Burns Stadium in Calgary.

This is just too bad. People don't realize how rich the history of baseball in this country is (here's a very good site on the subject, at least as it pertains to Western Canada), and it's distressing to see the new league fall apart so quickly. However, if only 50 people are showing up to watch games, there's not much one can do I suppose. The article does point out that the league is just suspending operations, not folding, so it may be back next year, but I'm not holding my breath.

Millwall downs Gravesend; Premiership Trembles in Collective Boots

Yes, the new (pre-)season is underway, and Millwall are 1 for 1. The final was 3-1, with goals from Elliott and Cogan, neither of whom I've ever heard of, and Phillips.

Crisitunity Knocks!!!

So the head coach of the womens' soccer team form which I am the goalkeeper coach has been canned. Now, there is some tradition that when such a thing happens the assistant coach walks the plank as well, and I believe that the ex-head coach, also a good friend of mine, expects me do just that. However, I'm a bit reluctant to do that. For one thing, in a phone call yesterday, the team's keeper asked me to continue working with her. For another, the firing had absolutely nothing to do with the team's performance (although they're not having a banner year), but with the coach's attitude and language towards some of the players. So what, you say. Well, if I do say so myself, the problems that got the coach fired are not ones that I have ever had with a team, whether playing or coaching, and I don't feel good about losing my position because of such problems, even by proxy. And lastly, I'm having a good time and actually (again, if I may blow my own horn) doing a lot of good for the team's goalie. So I'm mulling over in my mind how to go about this... More bulletins as events warrant.

Lame Moments in Sports #6

Limbaugh will be voice of fan on ESPN NFL show
ESPN.com

National talk radio personality Rush Limbaugh will join ESPN's Sunday NFL Countdown to provide the voice of the fan and to spark debate on the show, the network announced Monday.

Is there anything going on the sports world right now that is not lame? After the resounding success of Dennis Miller on Monday Night Football (Someday get me started on Dennis Miller, but not today), ESPN falls on its collective head and picks up Rush Limbaugh. What's next? Michael Savage (I hear he's unemployed right now!) on Sunday Night Baseball? Ann Coulter doing LPGA commentary? The mind boggles. Here's my prediction: ESPN gets a brief ratings hike for NFL Countdown at the beginning of the season. After about week three, people start to realize that Rush is a) boring and unpleasant and b) completely ignorant on matter football-related (his vaunted experience selling baseball(!) tickets notwithstanding). After that, FOX and CBS enjoy higher ratings for the rest of the season. We shall see.

Lame Moments in Sports #5

UEFA announces radical changes

Associated Press
7/10/2003

NYON, Switzerland (AP) - European soccer's governing body announced radical changes Thursday to the format for the UEFA Cup tournament, introducing a group stage into the competition.

It used to be so simple. If you were champions of your league, you went into the Champion's Cup, where you played home-and-away ties until there were only two teams left, who played one game against each other for the Cup. If you won the cup, you went into the Cup Winner's Cup, and the process was the same. And, if you did neither, but were still a pretty decent team, it was off to the UEFA Cup with you, and once again it was a simple knock-out competition to the final. And then UEFA decided to get complex. Anyway, I'd better not hear any more complaining from the European football associations about teams playing too many games...

So I'm typing this up (finally) on my new computer here at the bookstore! It's very nice - 17" flat-screen monitor with a lovely desktop image of a world map showing the time zones. I feel like I work at NORAD. Anyhoo, the new computer didn't really want to get set up; for a while it flat-out denied any knowledge of the main server, which was problematic. However, we are now friends. I did have to find a new home for my plastic cobra, which used to adorn the top of my monitor, but the new machine's tower has a raised lip along the top of it, and the snake now peers raffishly over the top of that. Oh, and the mouse on this computer seems to work, which is a novelty.

Naomi Klein is cool; here she's reviewing recent Chretien legislation that has annoyed the Bushites (gay marriage, de-criminalized marijuana etc.) and offering some words of warning about getting too excited about our new-found 'independence.'

Well, whaddya know...

Bush wrong on Iraqi nuclear weapons
Last Updated Wed, 09 Jul 2003 10:33:15

WASHINGTON - Washington has admitted that a claim President George Bush made in January about Iraq's weapons programs was wrong.

In his state of the union message, Bush tried to convince Americans and the rest of the world that Saddam Hussein's regime was a threat because he was developing a nuclear weapons program.

"The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa," Bush said in January.

That statement was based on correspondence between officials in Iraq and Niger that are now widely accepted as forgeries.

Yeah, but we've only known for four flippin' months that they were forgeries... I wonder at this stage what exactly made the Bushites come clean. I'd like to think that it was the growing public wave of disgust with this type of conduct, but given that that's non-existent, I'm thinking that the more likely explanation is simply that the lie had held on long enough, and allowed Bush&Co.'s goals to be realized.

An official with the CIA was sent to Niger to investigate whether Iraq tried to buy uranium from the country.

The official reported back that it was highly doubtful such a transaction ever took place.

The official said the office of U.S. Vice-President Dick Cheney would have received that report.

The claim made it into the state of the union address anyway, and many in Washington are asking how that could have happened.

Anyone in Washington who's sincerely "asking how that could have happened" is out-of-touch to an unprecedented degree. Now, can someone down there please show a little bit of spine and impeach that asshole? Pleeeeeeeze? This whole situation is mightily redolent of this one...

Well, we'll try this again. There have a few little posting problems today, plus I'd hoped by now to be typing this on my new work computer (with 17" flat-screen monitor, as opposed to the 15" Eyescorcher1000 that I've got now!), but no such luck. Maybe tomorrow...

It's big, it's bad, it's full of teams you've never heard of, it's the UEFA Cup Qualifying Round!!!!! My picks are in bold as usual.


AIK Stockholm (Sweden) v Fylkir (Iceland)
Vllaznia Shkoder (Albania) v Dundee (Scotland)
Levadia Maardu (Estonia) v NK Varteks (Croatia)
Santa Coloma (Andorra) v Esbjerg (Denmark)
NK Zeljeznicar (Bosnia) v Anorthosis Famagusta (Cyprus)
Banants (Armenia) v Hapoel Tel Aviv (Israel)
OB Odense (Denmark) v Dynamo Minsk (Belarus)
Malmo (Sweden) v Portadown (Northern Ireland)
Dinamo Bucharest (Romania) v Metalurgs (Latvia)
Valletta (Malta) v Neuchatel Xamax (Switzerland)
Kaernten (Austria) v Grindavik (Iceland)
Viktoria Zizkov (Czech Republic) v Zhenis Astana (Kazakhstan)
Sarajevo (Bosnia) v Sartid Smederevo (Serbia and Montenegro)
APOEL Nicosia (Cyprus) v Derry City (Ireland)
Litex Lovech (Bulgaria) v Zimbru Chisinau (Moldova)
Neman Grodno (Belarus) v Steaua Bucharest (Romania)
Etzella Ettelbruck (Luxembourg) v Kamen Ingrad (Croatia)
Manchester City (England) v TNS Llansantffraid (Wales)
Molde (Norway) v KI Klaksvik (Faroe Islands)
Farum (Denmark) v TVMK Tallinn (Estonia)
Ventspils (Latvia) v Wisla Plock (Poland)
MyPa (Finland) v Young Boys (Switzerland)
Vaduz (Liechtenstein) v Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk (Ukraine)
Coleraine (Northern Ireland) v Uniao Leiria (Portugal)
Groclin Grodzisk (Poland) v Atlantas (Lithuania)
Dinamo Tirana (Albania) v Lokeren (Belgium)
Cwmbran Town (Wales) v Maccabi Haifa (Israel)
Celje (Slovenia) v Belasica (Macedonia)
Cementarnica 55 Skopje (Macedonia) v Dospel Katowice (Poland)
Puchov (Slovakia) v Sioni Bolnisi (Georgia)
Red Star Belgrade (Serbia and Montenegro) v Nistru Otaci (Moldova)
Ekranas (Lithuania) v Debrecen (Hungary)
Birkirkara (Malta) v Ferencvaros (Hungary)
Haka Valkeakoski (Finland) v Hadjuk Split (Croatia)
Torpedo Moscow (Russia) v Domagnano (San Marino)
Atyrau (Kazakhstan) v Levski Sofia (Bulgaria)
Olimpija (Slovenia) v Shelbourne (Ireland)
RC Lens (France) v Torpedo Kutaisi (Georgia)
Brondby (Denmark) v Shirak (Armenia)
Petrzalka (Slovakia) v Dudelange (Luxembourg)
Runavik (Faroe Islands) v Lyn (Norway)

Some notes: First of all, the tie of the round is obviously the all-Balkan hookup between Sarajevo and Sartid Smederevo. No chance of crowd trouble at that one, no siree. Secondly, the name of the Armenian League runners-up, Shirak, is the same as the command word for Raistlin's light spell in the Dragonlance novels (See, you're much smarter now!).

PQ Gets Tedious over Vancouver Olympics Win

QUEBEC CITY - There is mixed reaction in Quebec to news that Vancouver will host the 2010 Olympic games.

Quebec City was trying to host the same games, but lost to Vancouver for the right to represent Canada.

Although Premier Jean Charest is congratulating Vancouver, the leader of the opposition isn't so charitable.

Parti Québécois leader Bernard Landry is using the Vancouver result to argue Quebec should be sovereign.

Landry says Quebec City could still have been on the ballot if it was an independent country.

So what Landry is saying is that the Quebec bid, which couldn't beat Vancouver's bid during the Canadian competition, would have been able to do so on the international stage? Is he saying that Quebec (the province and the city) should have spent a lot more money than they did to lose to Vancouver? I'm confused here.

Quebec City Mayor Jean-Paul L'Allier says the Vancouver result puts an end to any ambitions Quebec City had of hosting the Olympics.

Oh boo-hoo. There are a limited number of places in the world which can host a Winter Olympics, and Quebec City's chance will come around again. What the Vancouver result does put an end to is any hope Jean-Paul L'Allier had of being "The Man Who Brought the Olympics to Quebec City."

Cameroon's Foe dies after semi-final

LYON, France, June 26 (Reuters) - Cameroon midfielder Marc-Vivien Foe died on Thursday after collapsing during his country's Confederations Cup semi-final against Colombia.

Nothing more to say about this really. Very sad.

Lame Moments in Sports #4

Just go here and read the headline; that's all I have to say on the matter.

Millwall will host Oxford United in the first round of newly-renamed Carling Cup (Formerly the League Cup). Should be, and I can't over-emphasize the word "should", a fairly routine tie for the lions.

The Report Chokes on Own Bile, Dies Unlamented Death

Edmonton - A conservative magazine that was a fixture in the province and across western Canada for three decades is shutting down.

The Report, after stints as Alberta Report and Western Report, has put out its final issue.

Ya know, I remember when Alberta Report actually had status in conservative circles. Everybody knew the name Byfield, and the magazine provided ammunition for the right-wing side in many a fierce barroom debate during my undergraduate years. More, than once, Alberta Report was deemed significant enough to be satirized by The Gateway, the U. of A.'s student rag.

But it didn't last. People moved on, the issues changed, but the content of Alberta Report didn't, and its readership shrank as a result. Dwindling readership was accompanied inevitably by dwindling standards at the magazine, and, after unsuccessful attempts to re-brand itself as a national conservative publication, all that was left was the mouthpiece for a handful of disgruntled cranks - sort of a journalistic equivalent of the old guy on the porch screaming at the kids to get off his lawn. And so it has now passed away, and law of averages indicates the general tone of debate in this province should actually increase dramatically.

OK, here's the draw for the the first pre-semi-kinda-qualifying round for the 2003-4 Champions Cup. My picks are in bold.

1 Pyunik (Arm) v KR Reykjavik (Isl)

2 Sheriff Tiraspol (Mol) v FC flora (Est)

3 HB Torshavn (Far) v Kaunas (Lit)

4 Bate Borisov (Blr) v Bohemians (Irl)

5 Vardar (Mkd) v Barry Town (Wal)

6 Grevenmacher (Lux) v Leotar (Bzh)

7 HJK Helsinki (Fin) v Glentoran (Nirl)

8 Sliema Wanderers (Mal) v Skonto Riga (Lat)

9 Omonia (Cyp) v Irtysh Pavlodar (Kaz)

10 Dinamo Tbilisi (Geo) v KF Tirana (Alb)

Out of this lot, the team with the best chance right now of making the group stage is HJK Helsinki. Assuming they win through over Glentoran, they'll face MTK Hungaria FC in the second round. The best tie of this first round is probably going to be #10, between Dinamo Tbilisi and KF Tirana. The draw for the UEFA Cup has also been made, but I won't post predictions or anything like that until the Danish League has submitted its entrants.

Looks like I'm going to have to fix the archives on this thing again. Sigh.

Lame Moments in Sports #3

Manchester City will play Welsh side Total Network Solutions in the qualifying round for the UEFA Cup.

Ok, this is getting out of hand. There's actually a team out there called Total Network Solutions? What the Fuck? How the Hell are you supposed to support a team called Total Network Solutions? I mean... Total Network Solutions!?!?! "And, in the Champions Cup Draw, Aol.com United will play Sony in the qualifying round..." This is stupid.

Well, tons to get through today (including, Ta-Da, another Lame Moment in Sports). Lets start with the Friday Five:

1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short? Straight and short.

2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime? Heh. I seem to have less of it now.

3. How do your normally wear your hair? Pretty much shaved.

4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like? It would turn into feathers, like the Andorians on Star Trek

5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened? Nope, I've been fairly lucky in... OH MY GOD, IT'S FALLING OUT ALL OVER THE PLACE!! NOOOO!! COME BACK, HAIR, COME BACK FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!. Ahem, no.

TORONTO - Two U.S. military pilots who bombed Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan won't be prosecuted.

Well, this comes as a big surprise to nobody. The fix was in on this case pretty much from the beginning - partially because of the frosty relationship between our two countries' leaders, and partially because the U.S. military has an appalling record when it comes to taking responsibility for misbehaviour by its members (remember that cable car in Italy?). That said, I'm going to hold off on going completely apeshit about this until I hear what disciplinary measures the U.S. military brass does chose to impose.

Well, one week 'til Harry Potter & the License to Print Money is released on the suspecting public. We've got the machine-gun emplacements in at the bookstore, and the earthworks are nearly fully dug.

I confess that my opinion of the Harry Potter phenomenon is not cast in stone, but rather swings radically back and forth. On the one hand, it's fun to see kids actually picking up a book that is all words (and lots of them!) and enjoying it, as it flies in the face of much of the modern criticism of youth ("Short attention spans!" "Hooked on video games!" "Too much TV!"). I've read the first couple of books in the series, and, while they're not going to chase J.R.R. Tolkein from his place in the pantheon, they're enjoyable enough. On the other hand, it's going to be $46.95 (Canadian) for a children's book, and the hype is starting to drown out any possible literary benefit; kids, I fear, are starting to read the books not out of any enjoyment of them in and of themselves, but because it's Harry Potter and Harry Potter is cool.

Now, the funny thing about this whole situation is that there's a fairly decent chance that Canada Post will be on strike by next weekend, thus thwarting the devious aims of Amazon.com et al. and forcing people to actually walk to actual bookstores to get their copies, or wait however long it takes the strike to get resolved. He-he.

GAZA CITY - Doctors say five people were killed, including a three-year-old girl, in the latest Israeli missile strike against a Hamas target in Gaza City.

and

LONDON - The Islamic militant group Hamas says it's ordering its members to carry out more attacks on Israelis and urged foreigners to leave Israel and the Palestinian areas for their own safety.

Uh, George? Your "Roadmap from Peace" or whatever it's called is not going to earn you the Nobel prize if that peace is achieved simply by virtue of everybody in the Middle East being dead. Just thought you should know.

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Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, meanwhile, has vowed that Israel will hunt Palestinian militants "to the bitter end."

He said even though he's committed to negotiating the U.S.-backed "road map" to peace, the Israeli army will still go after Palestinian militants.

In other news, Sharon announced the formal beginning of his vaunted "Fucking for Virginity" initiative.

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Bush has urged all nations to cut off financial assistance to terrorists and "isolate those who hate so much that they are willing to kill."

Did Bush actually say that? I'd make the obvious comment, but it's just too damned easy.

6/11/2003
NEW YORK (AP) - It took a record six pitchers to no-hit the New York Yankees, and that wasn't the only bizarre thing about the Houston Astros' big night in the Bronx.

Wow. A six-pitcher no-no against the Yankees, at Yankee Stadium (first time in half a century for that), by a National League team, that included a four-strikeout inning. Probably one of the odder baseball games ever played. Oh, and there's a note in this article to the effect that Derek Jeter has whiffed in 12 of his last 19 at-bats. Think that shoulder might not quite be 100% yet?

They never had a chance. The Anaheim Mighty Ducks faced some mighty odds as they headed into the Meadowlands for game 7 in New Jersey.

This is a cute column. If you enjoying the crunching of numbers, it'll give you a laugh.

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That being said, congratulations to the New Jersey Devils and especially Joe Niewendyk who becomes just the 6th player to win the Cup with 3 different teams.

Right then, who are these six vagabonds, and who did they play for?

We've already got:
Joe Niewendyk (Calgary Flames, Dallas Stars, New Jersey Devils)

Pressure grows over US killing of journalists
By Ian Urbina

On April 8, two journalists were killed in Baghdad. By this date, only weeks into the conflict, the death toll for journalists in Iraq was an alarming 10, more than double the total killed in the entirety of the first Gulf War in 1991. But what was especially worrisome about the deaths of Ukraine-born Reuters cameraman, Taras Protsyuk, and Spanish photographer Jose Couso, was that neither man was near the front lines.

Both were in their hotels. Alongside roughly 100 other journalists from virtually every major international news outlet in the country at the time, Protsyuk and Couso were recouping in an officially recognized safe zone - the Palestine Hotel. But an American tank on the opposite bank of the Tigris River, roughly three-quarters of a mile away, fired directly at the hotel anyway. The US military stated that the incident was a regrettable though unavoidable mistake. However, with the recent release of an investigation by the New York-based Committee to Protect Journalists there is new evidence that the incident was in fact entirely avoidable, and a Spanish judge is being asked to file formal extradition charges against the responsible three US military officers.

Good fucking luck. Taking reponsibility for its own actions and behaviour is not a feature of the American military these days. Basically, if your loved one gets 'accidently' killed by American troops, and you have the temerity to ask for any kind of justice whatsoever, expect to get the runaround in a big way while simultaneously being buried up to your neck in platitudes.

Doing random blog-surfing this morning and came across some Bushasaurus trotting out the hoary old line "Extremism in the defence of liberty is no vice." And, I must say, he's absolutely correct. "Extremism in the defence of liberty" is actually an oxymoron.

I think I must have done something wrong on this quiz...


You are King Arthur Pendragon. You have the ability
to unite diverse groups of people. You are wise
and nonjudgemental, but can be somewhat naive
and blind to those who would do you harm. You
are a workaholic who tends to neglect your
personal life. You believe that everyone has
the right to their opinion, and should be
allowed to voice it.


Which heroic sword fighter are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

My sister convocates today, having earned her BA. This means that for the first time since September of 1976, neither I nor any of my siblings will be in school. Scary thought.

Manchester United have confirmed they have accepted a bid from Barcelona presidential candidate Joan Laporta for David Beckham - subject to a number of conditions.

Ah yes, "subject to a number of conditions." Now, I'm not saying that a Beckham transfer isn't going to happen, as a matter of fact I think it's quite likely at this point, but I'm not going to take it as a fait accompli until I see Becks standing in a Barcelona/Real Madrid/AC Milan/whoever shirt waving a club scarf.

About three-and-a-half years ago, we received a book called Colour Atlas of Ectomycorrhizae from Einhorn-Verlag, a German publishing company. Besides wondering vaguely what the hell ectomycorrhizae were when they were at home (the book was sealed, and thus little help in answering this question), there was very little to be done with it, as there was absolutely no record of our having ordered the thing. Eventually, two things were figured out. First of all, it was determined that the book had actually been ordered some 10 years previously, as a special order, and had long ago been given up on by the customer. Secondly, Ectomycorrhizae are fungal in nature. So, as it was patently absurd to try to send the thing back to Germany for a refund (besides, the publisher had kept the faith for a decade, which has to count for something), we decided to sling it into our Biology section and see if there were any takers. I don't recall if it sold or not, but it vanished from our shelves at some point. In any case, just the other day I opened up a distantly-familiar-looking envelope from Germany, and, lo-and-behold, we were the proud owners of yet another copy of Colour Atlas of Ectomycorrhizae!! Ye gods!! Deja vu all over again!! Once again, there is no record of anyone having ordered it, and this time, were pretty sure it's not an ancient special order. Did Einhorn-Verlag send a spy around to check our biology shelf for the previous copy? Does the book contain some secret transmitter, sending messages to the secret Einhorn-Verlag fortress of power whenever they detect a gap in their worldwide coverage of things fungoid? Is this [lowers voice, peers around conspiratorially] a plot by the ectomycorrhizae themselves, operating through their German front company, to spread their sinister manifesto around the globe? Oh well, whatever. Off to the Biology section with the book, and we'll see if we get another mysterious parcel in a few years...

Well, my mouse finally died, and was buried on the "crappy equipment" shelf in my office, along with at least one of its predecessors. It died spectacularly, basically doing random mouse things at a high rate of speed for about two minutes. I eventually had to ctrl-alt-del the computer off, and try it again. And speaking of computer things, I've finally got around to checking previews etc. for Half-Life 2, and it looks like it's going to be quite nice - it's set in a sort of post-apocalyptic eastern European city, for starters, and that's just plain cool. One of the best things about the original was the fact that it actually had a plot that went something beyond "waste the bad guys," and hopefully the sequel will follow suit. Demonstrations of the physics of the new game also seem to have "people in the know" drooling.

I'm back! Hooray! Last week was a bit of a disaster, as a family health crisis had me basically running between home, work, and the hospital. It's all worked out happily though, and life can now progress as it is supposed to. More to follow shortly...

WASHINGTON - The Bush administration says two trailer trucks found in Iraq are "positive proof" that Saddam Hussein was producing biological weapons, although no trace of biological agents was found in them.

I'm sorry, but "no trace of biological agents found in Iraq" is not news. It's common knowledge.

The CIA released a six-page report concluding the only logical purpose for the equipment in the trailers is to produce biological weapons agents.

Oh, well, if the CIA says it, it must be true. All this is is "positive proof" that George W. Bush and his cronies are lying, murderous, thugs. As if we needed more proof of that...

Five on Friday:

1. What do you most want to be remembered for?

Being a better man than George W. Bush.

2. What quotation best fits your outlook on life?

Oi! Thump.

3. What single achievement are you most proud of in the past year?

Not dying.

4. What about the past ten years?

See above.

5. If you were asked to give a child a single piece of advice to guide them through life, what would you say?

Oi! Thump.

Coming tomorrow... the tale of Bazz vs. the Squeegee Kid!!!!!!!!!!

I almost forgot!! Today's Thursday Twiddler:

1. You are in charge of 100 people in imminent danger of death. The best way out will still mean that 10 of them will be left behind, to die in a fairly ghastly manner. Would you make the choice as to who those ten would be, or would you draw lots. And, in either case, would you include yourself in those who (possibly) would be left behind?

Now this is a hard one. I'd like to think that I would remain behind as one of the doomed 10 (the others would, of course, be volunteers, or chosen by lot if necessary), keeping a stiff upper lip and bucking up the spirits of those who are to die with me. A movie of the week would follow... However, I'm going to get all semantical (is that a word) here and point out that the question makes mention of the best way out, not the only way out, and therefore I'd keep looking for an escape plan that could, even if it was a remote chance, allow everyone to survive.

2. You fire an incompetent employee, who then files a hefty wrongful discharge suit. The charges are bogus, but the court case will be long, time-consuming, and expensive. Would you settle out of court? If you knew that you were eventually certain of (costly) victory if you didn't settle, would you anyway?

I'd just shoot him. Who would suspect?

3. What is something you enjoy that is a chore for most people?

Oddly enough, putting things in alphabetical order. I don't know why I enjoy it (probably a wee touch of OCD), but I do.

I just went upstairs to the Tim Horton's to fuel up for the afternoon push (we'll see how long that lasts), found myself grinning like an idiot at an unbelievably cute young lady up there, and got busted by her. She smiled back, rather than, say, calling the cops or pepper-spraying me, which is good.

This day is turning into extreme boringness. There's not much going on in world today - apparently Canada is going to be running the G8 conference coming up in France and Switzerland, which should lead to much improvement of U.S.-Canada relations (time will tell whether I'm being sarcastic). George Bush, or course, is already making a pillock of himself, as he will be gracing the conference for less than a day, before he heads off to help de-stabilize the Middle East. In far more important and interesting news, there is a rumour floating around that the next season of Enterprise will feature romance between T'Pol and Captain Archer...

First the D&D movie sequel, now this...

LOS ANGELES - Canadian teen singer Avril Lavigne's hit single about a teenage girl who rejects a skater boy is to be adapted into a feature film.

Paramount Pictures has hired ER writer/producer David Zabel to adapt the words of the song "Sk8ter Boi" into a movie, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

Well, why not? Just about everything else has been turned into a feature film, and at least this flick comes with something vaguely approximating a plot. I actually surprised myself by not being able to come up with the expected level of cynicism over this one. It doesn't sound like it's going to be the standard sort of pop music movie, i.e. an thinly-veiled excuse for the artist to play as many of her songs as possible in a two-hour time period. However, it will probably make a lot of proto-punk teenage girls happy, and the message is better than a hell of a lot of what's being tossed at the world's youth these days. And yes, there's a decent chance that by any any real critical criteria the movie itself is going to be execrable, but it's not going to be any worse than what Adam Sandler (for just one example) is capable of on any given day.

Lavigne's writing team Matrix - Scott Spock, Lauren Christy and Graham Edwards - who co-wrote the song, will act as consultants on the screenplay.

They will also produce the movie soundtrack.

Hey, I think I guessed what one of the songs from the soundtrack is going to be! Aaaah, there's the cynicism...

I found the initial link for the item below on this excellent blog, and thus it become the first item in TVFOH's comprehensive list of other people's blogs that I like to keep up on. Hooray!!

By Steve Levin, Post-Gazette Staff Writer

A nationwide e-mail campaign against the local Make-A-Wish Foundation has been organized by a family values organization that claims the Pittsburgh chapter accepted donations from "pornographic programs" during a recent comic book convention.
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The e-mail campaign was organized by the nonprofit American Family Association, formed in 1977 by the Rev. Donald E. Wildmon to promote traditional family values in the news media. The association's Web site (www.afa.net) provides links to both the national and local Make-A-Wish foundations in its Action Alert section under the headline: "Make-A-Wish defends chapter's porn convention proceeds."

Oh this is just charming. I knew the AFA people were scum, but attacking an organization that helps terminally ill children is low even for them. They ought to be ashamed of themselves, but all know they won't be, as people like that have permanently lost the ability to feel shame, contrition, responsibility, or pretty much anything except spite and bile. However, a quick look at their website did give me one good chuckle:

Three and a half years ago, Iowa Family Policy Center (IFPC) helped convince Kum & Go convenience store owners to remove hard and soft-core pornography from their 313 convenience stores. At the time, Kum & Go said their "corporate moral ethos" prevented them from selling such material any longer, but now it's back. Despite the avalanche of phone calls they have received from Iowans who have asked them to take it back out, Kum & Go continues to sell pornographic magazines in their stores.

You know, I can't imagine not being able to buy porn in a place that calls itself "Kum & Go."

I just got an e-mail from My Friend in Prince George. This means it's already a good day!!

GABORONE, May 25 (Reuters) - Botswana goalkeeper Modiri Marumo was sent off during a penalty shootout for striking his opposite number during Malawi's Cosafa Cup quarter-final win on Sunday.

Marumo was beaten by the first three kicks taken by Malawi and lashed out at opposing keeper Philip Nyasulu, who had attempted to give him a conciliatory pat on the back of the head.

Lesson #1 in how to become very very unpopular with your team-mates. Has anyone ever heard of a sending off during a shoot-out?

Lame Moments in Sports #2

Annika Sorenstam misses the cut at the Colonial. Yes, I know this has been done to death already, but now it's my turn. Sorenstam's missing the cut is not lame because it indicates that she can't play with the guys. It doesn't. It's not lame because it indicates that the LPGA in general can't give Sorenstam a challenge. It doesn't do that either. It's lame because it took a classy, talented, althlete, performing under tremendous pressure and in the face of some of the worst sportsmanship ever, and did not give her a happy ending. Instead, it let morons like Fulton Allem wander around thumping their chests while relief oozed from every pore on their bodies.

Ah yes, Fulton Allem. "The golf gods don't lie," he said, or words to that effect, when informed of Sorenstam's failure to progress to the third round. In that spirit, I though it might be interesting to examine exactly what the golf gods have to say about Allem. Let's see here... Well, they say he hasn't won a PGA tournament since 1993, which was also coincidentally the last time he placed in the top 100 (yes, one hundred) on the money list. And was also the last time he finished in the top three in a tournament. He's scrabbled a handful of top-10s since then, but none of those since 1998. He hasn't made half the cuts in a season since 1996. He's two for nine on making the cut so far this year, and is averaging 74.18 strokes a round, one-and-a-half strokes worse than Sorenstam's PGA average. In short, the golf gods say that the only reason anyone in the golf community is going to remember Fulton Allem is because of his being a shithead one fine May weekend late in the twilight of a career that defined the word "unspectacular."

Continuing with the theme of geekiness, I went and saw The Matrix: Reloaded last night, and it's definitely worth a look. Although the concept no longer seems quite so interesting (duh - it's a sequel) and the plot is pretty much a standard love-story/sci-fi-action romp type of deal, it is easily visually pleasing and stylish enough to make it fun.

Right then. We're gonna be geekin' today...

Hurrah! Word is, there's going to be a sequel to the D&D movie!!! Awesome!! Remember in the first one, when the Wayans guy died, and the other guy, the one who was in the Superman show, threw his head back and screamed "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!" to the uncaring audience? Remember when the same guy announced the finding of the entrance to the dungeon with the deathless line "Here's the entrance to the dungeon"? Remember Jeremy Irons on some sort of bizarre PCP high? Remember the tense scenes in "the maze," a diabolical arrangement of three rooms in a straight line? Remember the completely incomprehensible ending, with all the characters turning into Tinkerbell clones and flying away (oops, sorry, that was a spoiler). Remember? And now they're going to do a sequel!! This is the best news I've heard all day!!!

Ok, this is garbage. A big slap upsides the head to anyone who even thinks about spending their hard-earned money on this sort of crap.

This week's Friday Five:

1. What brand of toothpaste do you use? Crest

2. What brand of toilet paper do you prefer? Last year's phonebook (kidding. Kidding!!!)

3. What brand(s) of shoes do you wear? Docs

4. What brand of soda do you drink? Coffee

5. What brand of gum do you chew? I don't usually, but whatever happens to be at hand, I guess.

BERKELEY, CA—Nineties punk Drew Tolbert, 29, expressed scorn Monday for the punks of today, denouncing them as "phony poseurs unworthy of the word 'punk.'"

Brilliant stuff from The Onion this week. This whole article, in addition to making me laugh out loud, caused me to think back on the many pointless debates I've engaged on the topic "What is Punk?". For the sake of my sanity, I declared a personal moratorium on the argument a few years ago, deciding in the end that 'Punk' meant whatever you wanted it to, but I'm well aware that the debate goes on certain quarters. Usually, the debate over whether a band is 'punk' begins at roughly the moment when the band's video first appears on Muchmusic (or MTV, or what-have-you), and continues until entropy has ended the faint quivering of the last atom in the universe. This is because people are going about the argument from the wrong end. The question, rather than "What is punk?" should be "What is not punk?". And therefore, with great pride, I bring the first installment of the Big List of Things That Are Not Punk. Submissions are welcome.

These Things Are Not Punk!!

1. Post-It Notes
2. Bright copper kettles
3. Hallmark cards
4. Christine Aguilera (this is too easy!)
5. Authors who rip off Tom Clancy
6. Tom Clancy
7. Blink 182
8. Anybody, and I mean anybody, who reads Maxim magazine for any reason.
9. Voting for the Canadian Alliance
10. Incorrect use of the word 'patriotism.'
11. Reality TV (did I mention that this is easy)
12. Several types of food (I'm not saying which ones).
13. That drunk guy in the pub who insists on telling you his life story.

Let me stress that this is only a preliminary list, but it is a start, and you are now much wiser!

This looks like fun... Here's this week's Thursday Thumb-Twiddler. I don't know if I'll make doing these Q&A things a regular practice, but I'll do some from time to time at least.

1. If the President called up and said that he'd do his darnedest to implement any one policy or program you chose, what would
you choose?

Reading "Prime Minister" for "President"... I'd require every Canadian schoolchild to learn not only English and French, but Gaelic and at least one aboriginal language too. Albertans would be required to learn Chinese as well.

2. Is there scientific knowledge best left undiscovered?

Yeah - the knowledge of what happens when you crack an atom. Whoops, too late.

3. If you could proclaim a new national holiday, what would it be and how would we celebrate it?

I'd institute "Party in Iqaluit Day." Attendance would be mandatory.

'Vive la France! Vive le Canada!' hails PM

OTTAWA - Prime Minister Jean Chrétien says France and Canada must work together to restore trust with the United States after recent tensions over the war in Iraq.

Hmmm. This probably won't go over very well in Washington, land of the Freedom Fry. I wonder what Paul Cellucci thought of it all. Oh wait, there's more...

Most of the remarks at the state dinner were in French, and at least one VIP in attendance, American ambassador to Canada Paul Cellucci, might have missed most of what was said.

Awesome!! The U.S. ambassador, who just a few days ago was rumbling on about the deep friendship between the U.S. and Quebec, apparently doesn't speak French, and yet sat through an entire state dinner without being able to understand the speeches! Think of all the fun that could have been had!

What on earth is up with the Canadian Alliance?

At a time when political conditions ought to be perfect for Stephen Harper's party, it languishes at roughly 15 per cent in national support, barely a third of that enjoyed by a tired third-term government led by a prime minister who has clearly overstayed his welcome.

What's up with the Canadian Alliance? Well, um, for starters, they're really boring and irrelevant. Plus, they've lost the "Stockwell Day Train-wreck" factor that so mesmerized the Canadian public a couple of years ago. So, while the NDP and the Conservatives are quietly marshalling forces, doing what they have to, and at least pretending to oppose the Liberals, and Chretien's people are finding new and amusing ways to piss off the United States, the CA is sitting on its collective bottom like a lump. I actually cannot remember the last time I heard an Alliance MP say anything at all, on any issue.

Hey look! All the posts from yesterday have appeared, and things seem to be working normally. Anyway, as I was trying to say yesterday, things have been happening over the last couple of weeks, while I was stomping through the woods of southern Ontario. Vijay Singh made an ass of himself (I was going to make that a Lame Moment in Sports, our second, but it's kind of old news now). Ari Fleischer, Bush's chief liar, finally choked on his own bile and quit. So did Christine Todd Whitman, Bush's chief environment-raper. Now, on the surface, this would seem like good news, but we all know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that those two are going to be replaced by worse. And, on the subject of American politics, it seems likely that a couple of their Supreme Court Justices may be retiring, and if the prospect of Bush and his fellow travellers getting the right to replace them doesn't fill you with terror, then you haven't been paying attention. Happily, the Texas Dems seem to have found a way to foil the worst excesses of the Republican regime, and, even more happily, Molly Ivins has written an excellent column about it.

Sporting-wise, Arsenal won the FA Cup, and Spurs cut loose Teddy Sheringham, leading to speculation that the boy might be returning to his South-East London roots. The Senators have pushed the Devils to game 7, and the Minnesota Wild actually scored a goal in their series against Anaheim before heading home for the summer. The Blue Jays seem to have an offense. Canada seems to have a professional baseball league (more on this later).

I'm sure other things happened too, but that's all I can think of for now...

Nope, still nothing. And still nothing.

Well, I'm going to leave this, and see if anything publishes later on. Otherwise, I'll try again tomorrow, at (sigh) work. Actually, it seems as thought the posts from today are showing up in the archives, but not on the main page, which is just darn weird.

Oddness. I've published, but nothing seems to be appearing.

Well, I'm back. It was a lovely trip, and in the end I didn't mind the fact that I didn't get any blogging done. Of course, there's now about a cubic mile of stuff to wade through and offer my oh-so-valuable commentary upon, but oh well... First of all, I actually got to watch a European soccer match this afternoon, as a result of being clever and remembering to take a couple of days of after my return to E-town. Unfortunately, Celtic couldn't get past Porto but such is life. It was a fairly dire first half, but things picked up in the second, and it actually turned into a fairly enthralling match. Hopefully this will be the beginning of a renaissance for some of the smaller leagues in Europe.

No time to write today, since I'm off to the wilds of Ontario tomorrow, and I've been getting last-minute things done at work. I don't know if I'll be blogging much in the next couple of weeks, but I'll to do at least a couple of postings. If not, talk at you all in ten days or so!

It probably gets lots better than this, but not in terms of close finishes in the Scottish Premier League! Rangers and Celtic separated by 1 goal, with one match to go. The only way in which this could get tenser would be if they were playing each other in that final game, but we'll put up with the next best thing, as Celtic host Hearts (3rd in the table), while Rangers play the same role for Kilmarnock (4th in the table). And to think that only a couple of weeks ago Rangers looked to have it sewn up.

Catchphrases get old, it's a fact. Not that long-ago, commercial-watchers were thrilling to the antics of a group of cell-phone-owning morons screaming "Whaaasssuuuuuuup!" at each other, but trying evoking images of that ad campaign now and you're likely to get punched out. Well, I've got another one that needs consigning to the scrapheap of history (heh.).

You see, I just punched "post 9/11" into google and got back "about 2,030,000" matches (I suppose that should be "about 2,030,001" now). Two-million, thirty thousand. I mean, really. Yes, we live in a "post 9/11" world, but for heaven's sake it's getting more and more post 9/11 all the time! We're now all but 20 months post 9/11! Can we please, please, try to stop basing our every action on that one terrible morning in 2001!? I do not mean by this that we need to forget what happened on September 11, 2001, or stop honouring and remembering those who died, or trying to punish those responsible, or anything like that. What I do mean is that we need to get rid of our pavlovian response to the phrase "post 9/11", the response which runs along the lines of "Because you invoked those words, any course of action you have associated with that phrase I shall take as reasonable and even necessary, up to and including inserting microchips under my skin in order to track my movements." Can we please stop caving in every time words "post 9/11" are uttered, usually with a resigned shrug of the shoulders by the utterer, out of fear that if we don't, we shall appear insensitive at best and treasonous at worst?! And could you, dear reader, the next time somebody tries to justify some piece of stupidity, or incompetence, or unpleasantness, using the images of the falling WTC towers, could you please make them lay out the connection for you in detail?! Please can we start doing this? Now?

And don't get me started on "...or the terrorists win."

One of these days, I'll do a Millwall end-of-season thing. Suffice it to be said for now that the Lions closed out with a 2-0 victory over Coventry, and Mark Mcghee won Manager of the Month for April. A good end to a season that started very badly.

Usually I like to give people a break, but TSN's new racing columnist, Todd Lewis, has not in any way impressed me yet, and in his latest column I caught him sneering thusly at Dario Fanchitti:

Just a question: What was Dario Franchitti doing in England at the CART race? I realize he’s injured and out of his ride with Michael Andretti’s team for sometime, but with this being Michaels final run at Indianapolis, both Dario and Tony Kanaan injured and substitute drivers running in their place, shouldn’t it be all hands on deck to try and help the team? If Franchitti’s back injury isn’t too painful for him to endure a plane ride to Britain shouldn’t he be at Indianapolis Motor Speedway offering whatever wisdom he can provide.

Franchitti's back wasn't too painful for the plane trip to Britain because the injury actually occurred after he got there (he crashed his motorcycle in Scotland). Mr. Lewis needs to check a map, his facts, or both.

LETHBRIDGE, ALTA. - Police in Lethbridge say alderwoman Dar Heatherington, who disappeared over the weekend, has been found alive and well in Las Vegas.

OK, usually when someone goes missing, and her car, purse, and keys are found in a parking lot, it does not bode well for a happy outcome to the case. Now a lot of people are going to want to know how the hell she ended up in Las Vegas after vanishing in Great Falls, Montana, but for the nonce the main thing is that she is alive and apparently in good health. I don't know that I've ever been at either end of the emotional scale that her family in Lethbridge must have experienced over the last few days.

Talking to a friend of mine last night about this whole Book of Erotic Fantasy thing, and he was pretty much aghast. His main problem with the BoEF was the unnecessariness of it all. He also pointed out that although the Book of Vile Darkness did have a big old (im)mature content label on it, it was not an entire book devoted to sex in the game. And I have to concur in some ways. I mean, our Tuesday evening game has a minor sexual component to it (by which I mean that, at least one character has had sex in the course of the game), and we haven't really needed an enormous sourcebook to do it with. It's just occasionally part of role-playing. Furthermore, we haven't felt the need to go into description of what's going on, or roll dice, or use tables, or anything of that nature (and there hasn't been any heh-heh, heh-heh, heh-heh laughter, either). So, where I'm leaning right now towards saving my money and staying away from Mr. Valterra's book. I shall be interested, however, to see what the reviews have to say.

The snow has changed to rain, which is a distinct improvement - I quite like the rain. Fun though it is to bitch about it, this latest bit of precipitation is exactly what the doctor ordered (particularly if you're a farmer or might have to deal with a forest fire at some point), after the drought debacle of last year. Of course, it's going to be a bit hard on profiteering-minded southern Alberta hay farmers, but oh well. On the bus the last few days I've noticed that the river is nice and high, and hopefully will stay that way (might make things a bit more exciting for the folks on the Edmonton Queen!).

Joe Strummer was a big supporter of Future Forests and a great friend of our founder, Dan Morrell. In his memory, Future Forests have planted 50 trees in a forest at Orbost on the shores of Loch Bracadale, on the Isle of Skye. This beautiful site is set against the majestic Macleod's Tables.

Well that's just cool. The Isle of Skye is one of the most beautiful places on Earth, and for Joe Strummer to be memorialized there is just awesome.

Snow, Snow, Glorious Snow,
Nothing quite like it for making Bazz grumpy, especially when it comes bucketing down in great heaps in May, for chrissake (with apologies to Flanders and Swann). Oh well, this is Edmonton, and at least I'm out of here at the end of the week!

Valar Project, Inc. to release the “Book of Erotic Fantasy” in October 2003 - the first roleplaying game, compatible with the best selling Dungeons & Dragons ™ fantasy roleplaying game, that deals directly with sex and sexuality.

OK, my final opinion on this work is going to depend on the quality of the product (Yes, I'm a gamer. You don't like it, too bad). As far as whether or not it's a good idea in the first place, there are a number of schools of thought:

School 1: "Don't do it, it'll just give the Jack Chicks of this world more ammo to shoot at RPGs." A true and valid argument, but rather moot, since the fundie hordes have no trouble finding their own ammo.

School 2: "Don't do it, sex has no place in D&D." True for some groups, not for others. Not a reason not to publish the book at all.

School 3: "Go for it! Screw the fundie hordes! If they want to hate us, we'll give them reason!" Moot argument again - fundie hordes have no trouble finding reasons to hate us.

There are probably other opinions on this matter. However, one thing about this whole situation that has amused me is the reaction of Wizards of the Coast, which released the following statement:

Wizards of the Coast is in no way associated with the product, "The Book of Erotic Fantasy," referenced recently on [websites]. We find the subject matter distasteful and inappropriate and do not endorse, condone, or approve of its use with the Dungeons & Dragons game. While the OGL license allows anyone, even our employees, to produce products that are compatible with Dungeons & Dragons, Wizards does not approve or control the theme of any third-party D20 product. For Immediate Release Contact: Anthony Valterra
Valar Project, Inc.
1909 N. 47th St.
Seattle, WA 98103
206.675.8552

This is just hilarious to me, coming as it does from the same people who released The Book of Vile Darkness with such fanfare, with sealed "mature content" excerpts in Dragon magazine, and promises that WotC was really pushing the envelope here, no question, yup, this was for adults only, really bad stuff, shock your pastor with this etc. etc. Anyway, for them to turn around and get all starched in the bum about somebody else's sex in D&D book seems to me to be at least a little bit hypocritical.

WEST KINGSDOWN, England (AP) - Rookie Sebastien Bourdais won the London Champ Car Trophy at Brands Hatch on Monday, ending Canadian Paul Tracy's string of three consecutive wins.

Doh! Tracy came 17th out of 19 after his engine caught fire on the 118th lap. However, he still leads the overall standings by 11 points from Bourdais. The win should give Bourdais confidence enough that the shananigans of his first two races shouldn't be repeated, which is bad news for everybody else on the circuit.

I actually "watched" this race on Cart.com's automatic online timer, which was surprisingly effective. I find that quite often these live update services don't really perform very well, so it was nice to see one that does.

Rock 'n' Roll! I seem to have fixed the archives on this thing!

Goddamn it's a slow news day today. Colin Powell is busy trying to reassure various countries that they're not on some sort of hit list, when they know damn well they are (I really feel sorry for Colin Powell some days). George Bush is insisting that the U.S.A. will find WMDs in Iraq if it takes them forever, and all the obvious implications thereof. And so on and so forth. However, I did get one good chuckle when re-reading this article about the same-sex marriage B.C. court decision. And here it is, folks, one of the dumbest quotes ever made in public:

"Institutions are not about rights. They are about serving society. And marriage does a very good job of that," said Michael Martens, a spokesman for Focus on the Family.

Institutions are not about rights? What the fuck does that mean?

Ruud van Nistelrooy hit a superb hat-trick as Manchester United maintained their surge towards the Premiership title with a 4-1 win over Charlton at Old Trafford.

Actually, the real story here (well, one of them anyway) is chapter two in the continuing Old Trafford Goalkeeper Crisis. Let's just say that Charlton's goal should never have happened in a million years. Now, this was not 100% Roy Carroll's fault, as Roy Keane probably owes Carroll a pint or two for an absolutely criminal backpass, but Buddy, when one of your team-mates hot-potatoes you the ball, with his feet, into the penalty area, hoof the friggin' thing into touch, not blindly on the ground up the pitch. Ye gods. Anyway, a new name as possible replacements for Barthez (who was on the bench today) was being bandied about by the commentators, and it is that of American Tim Howard, currently toiling for the NY/NJ Metrostars. So, to review, we have the following possibilities:

Fabien Barthez (not looking likely)
Roy Carroll (Possible, but dropped a clanger today)
Antti Niemi (Still favourite, I think)
Rustu Recber (A very very good goalkeeper, my favourite of this lot)
Petr Cech (Qui?)
Brad Friedel (Has done wonders for Blackburn, might turn out to be a brilliant choice)
David James (Currently enjoying a sort of renaissance, but big question marks remain)
Tim Howard (Big gamble to go straight from MLS to Old Trafford #1)

WEST KINGSDOWN, England (AP) - Canadian Paul Tracy moved a step closer to becoming the first CART driver to win the first four races of the season.

Tracy, from Toronto, won the provisional pole Saturday for the London Champ Car Trophy, securing a spot on the front row for Monday's race.

You know, Paul Tracy is going to lose a race at some point this season. Just when is the question, though. He's driving extraordinarily well, although to be fair some of his fellow drivers have had some appallingly bad luck. Still, nice to see Mr. Tracy doing well, and in a Player's car too.

Well, that's enough politics for one day. You know, I really never had much inclination to listen to heavy metal music or to be part of that 'scene' (Wanna know why? Well, here's one reason!). Having decided that the whole thing was pretty much a wash back in the days of 'hair' metal, I blissfully ignored the subsequent 'rap'-metal and 'nu'-metal phases, and there may have been others too. However, a couple of weeks ago I was in my local on Saturday evening (traditionally live music night) and was absolutely blown away by a nu-metal band. I mean, I went and bought their CD right there at the gig, and I usually don't do that. Anyway, they're incredibly awesome and excellent in every way, they're called Gate, and their web-page is here.

The world would be a better place if more conservatives were like this fellow.

VANCOUVER - A top White House drug policy official is threatening retaliation from the U.S. if Canada relaxes its laws against marijuana possession.

Bite me. The U.S.'s drug policies manage to combine brutality, needless cruelty, and ineffectiveness to a point that boggles the mind, yet successive generations of American politicians have not had the courage to make it stop. Half a second's actual, rational, thought would reveal that giving potheads criminal records does absolutely nothing to prevent or mitigate the social ills caused by serious drug addiction. And buddy, when your lot gets around to actually punishing the amphetamine freak who dropped the bomb on those Canadian soldiers, then you can talk to us about drug policy. Until then, take your criticism and shove it up your ass.

David Murray, right-hand man to U.S. "drug czar" John Walters, says he doesn't want to tread on another country's sovereignty, but warned there would be consequences if Canada proceeds with a plan to decriminalize the possession of marijuana.

Fuck you David Murray (and John Walters too, for that matter). Doesn't want to tread on another country's sovereignty? Doesn't want to tread on another country's sovereignty? Treading, or rather trampling, on other countries' sovereignty while claiming to be the defenders of freedom is what the United States of America is all about under its current administration.

[snip]
"You can't wall this off saying, 'We're only talking about a little cannabis.' Our experience is they come together like the Four Horsemen," he said.

Don't lie. Your experience, like the experience of every other country in the world, is that casual marijuana use has absolutely no effect whatsoever on the social fabric except to make it ever-so-slightly mellower and to give it a mild craving for munchies. And yes, we're only talking about a little cannabis here, so you can settle down.

Murray said Canada's reputation in the global community would be forever altered if it decided to decriminalize pot.

"It's not just Canada's relationship with the United States that would change; it's Canada's relationship with the world," he said.

Yes, our relationship with the world would change. We would join the infamous Axis of Countries That Have Actually Figured It Out. Won't this world be a better place when an American president has the courage to bring the U.S.A. into that group?

Actually, I'm not really that angry with the U.S. over this. They didn't actually elect the useless fuck currently occupying the White House, and there are too many good Americans working very hard to improve the world for me to actually sustain any kind of serious rage at their country. I am, however, pre-emptively very angry with the Canadian pundits and politicians (Stephen Harper, I'm looking in your general direction) who are going to weigh in with how we now shouldn't decriminalize pot, not because of any evidence that it's a bad idea, but out of craven terror that we might somehow offend George W. Fucking Bush.

I'm slightly angry this morning.

AUSTIN, Texas -- Don't worry about a thing! The Texas Legislature is riding to the rescue. Oh, sure, we still have a $10 billion deficit, but the House just outlawed gay marriage. At last, we're safe from the hideous threat of gay marriage, which would have directly ruined our entire lives.

On the other hand, we have the lawmakers in Texas. This is Molly Ivins at her finest. She's always great to read, but her most fun columns are the ones where she takes aim at the Texas Legislature, and this one is a very fine example of that. From the same column:

You'll be happy to know that Bill Zedler (R-Tarrant) has introduced a bill concerning pubic hair (about which I cannot say more, since the rest of the bill is totally unprintable). Zedler's against pubic hair. We still have a $10 billion deficit. I love living under Republican governance.

Unprintable? Not here! Here ya go - H.B. 2257!

VANCOUVER - A 10-day logging protest six years ago is going to cost Greenpeace more than $6,000 after a court in B.C. said the environmental group has to pay loggers for lost wages.

Madame Justice Janet Sinclair Prowse ordered Greenpeace and two of its members to compensate four loggers who lost work when protesters shut down a logging site on Roderick Island in May 1997.

Wow, the B.C. courts are having a good day today! This is absolutely the right decision in this case, but I wish Greenpeace had had the sense to pay the loggers up-front. Not only would it have been the right thing to do, it would have been very smart from a public-relations perspective. One of the major arguments trotted out by the anti-environmental brigades is the "threatening peoples' livelihoods" line, which serves nicely to distract folks from the real point of the environmental movement. It would have been nice to see a major environmental group pull that argument's teeth.

VANCOUVER - Preventing gay couples from marrying is discriminatory and Ottawa must relax its rules, the B.C. Court of Appeal ruled Thursday.

Cue the screams of "judicial activism! judicial activism!" from the right. Cue also (from the same sources) the sombre invocation of "family values" and the "sanctity of marriage." There's gonna be tons of material for this page for the next couple of weeks!

I just accidently exited the program I was using, so, while it's reinitializing (which takes about five minutes), I'll relate to you this little tale. Several weeks ago I was on the number four bus one evening, heading off to meet friends. The bus was full-ish, so I was standing towards the front as we trundled across the Quesnel bridge. As we reached the south side of the river, the driver got on the PA (usually used for things like "You at the back settle down!!") and asked "What bridge was that that we just crossed?" Since I was standing right beside him, I told him. The driver then asked, once again on the PA, what the name of the river was. I answered him again, feeling slightly perturbed that I was on a bus whose driver apparently did not know where he was. However, the penny dropped when he asked (yes, yes, over the PA) what the next city downriver was - apparently, he had decided to have a round of Trivial Pursuit with his passengers. Anyway, I answered him again, and he said "The gentleman (!?) at the the front wins!" and gave me a lovely keychain. It was just about the nicest thing that's happened to me in a while.

I experienced intense paranoia this morning when I found this blog.